Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
