Umm I'm too high to move.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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