Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
