I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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