You work out of a Hotel?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
