I have demons in me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
