There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
