you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
