Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
