so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
