Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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