Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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