proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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