You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
