I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize