He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
