the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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