drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
