she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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