So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize