Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
