Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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