If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I enjoy the company of your penis
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
