marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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