he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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