So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
