Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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