On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
