Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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