I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
