I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
