dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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