every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize