I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
