I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize