I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize