East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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