halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
