he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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