Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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