I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
