Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
