one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
there is glitter all over my balls
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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