I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
