guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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