if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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