When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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