Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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