don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
