i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
