She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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