he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
