so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
