i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
