GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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