Do you still have your period?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize