I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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