Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I want is dick and wine.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
