Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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