It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
false alarm, still single
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
