You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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