Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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