I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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