i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
