I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
