would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
