just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
