how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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