xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
