If that was your dad, he is hot
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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