so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
