You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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