Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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