my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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