the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
